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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361312">Playing Matchmaker!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/boppgoestheweasel/pseuds/boppgoestheweasel'>boppgoestheweasel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the dadschlatt collection [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>DadSchlatt, Fluff, Kid Tubbo, Rated for swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, by implying that schlatt and quackity need to be married, just wholesome content, kid tommy, kids don't understand how love works, maybe even ooc, momma quackity, so the boys get him one, tubbo wants a mom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:41:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/boppgoestheweasel/pseuds/boppgoestheweasel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, kids don’t understand that friends can be as close as people in love… sometimes even closer. </p>
<p>So Tubbo and Tommy decide to put Schlatt and Quackity on an inadvertent date!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexis | Quackity &amp; Jschlatt, Jschlatt &amp; Toby Smith | Tubbo, No Slash - Relationship, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the dadschlatt collection [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>394</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Playing Matchmaker!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>wow hello there! this was a suggestion from user Emberontheashes517! yknow in canon, schlatt and quackity do get married, but at this point in the timeline i've developed, they just don't see the point in it! </p>
<p>As always, and I REALLY mean this, everything I've ever written is based SOLELY on the characters portrayed in the SMP roleplay, never the real people!! However, if any CCs mentioned are uncomfortable with anything I've made, I won't hesitate to delete it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“She’s super pretty!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo was pointing at a picture on the coffee table that was next to the couch that Tommy and his dad were sitting on. Schlatt had dropped the boy off because he and Quackity had a job opportunity arise in the further parts of L’Manberg, so Phil had offered to take the boy for a day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah,” Tommy said as he hopped off the couch where he had been jumping. “That’s my mummy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A mummy? But she’s not wrapped in toilet paper.” Tubbo scrunched up his nose. “And she looks too nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No no, my mum!” Tommy shook his head and grabbed the picture from the table. He ran his fingers over the glass. Phil watched with tired eyes, making sure that the picture wasn’t dropped. He could care less about the glass breaking; he was more concerned about the boys getting hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>by </span>
  </em>
  <span>the glass. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the picture, there were three figures. One was Phil, whom Tubbo obviously recognized, and then the woman that Tommy called a “mummy,” and then a tall, lanky brunette boy in the middle. He had a huge smile on his face- he looked super familiar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s my big brother Wilbur.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah! I see him all around your house.” Tubbo smiled. “Your dad’s hair is short here, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Phil laughed. “She was the one who told me to grow it out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look cooler with long hair, Mr. Phil.” Tubbo nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Tubbo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy giggled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey…” Tubbo grabbed the photo from Tommy, carefully. “This kinda looks like a picture my dad and Uncle Quackity took! Except I’m a baby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?” Tommy tilted his head to the side slightly. That boy watched too many cartoons, he was starting to act like one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah! But… Quackity isn’t a mummy.” Tubbo looked sad. “I don’t have one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy pouted. “But… aren’t they in love?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Phil had left the room to go upstairs, unaware of their conversation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In love? I dunno.” Tubbo thought for a moment. “Quackity is kinda like a mummy. His smile is pretty just like your mummy, and he looks at Papa just like that!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are they married?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I asked ‘are they married?’” Tommy repeated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, no, I don’t think so…” Tubbo frowned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then let’s make them married! That’s how the kids in the movies do it!” Tommy beamed, standing up on the couch. “We’re old enough! Big and six!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo thought for a second. Hey… that’s a pretty good idea! Then he would have a mummy! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s do it!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Guess Phil wants us to return the favor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity was sitting on his couch when Schlatt came from the back room of the house, where he had gone through a few of Quackity’s boxes while looking for documents they needed to go forward with their position in the government.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you mean?” Quackity was hunched over the table, a pen in one hand and a coke in the other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I got a text asking if it was okay if one day we took Tommy. Apparently the kids asked him if they could come over.” Schlatt sat next to Quackity as he read the text aloud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh. Are you gonna say yes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucking duh. I can’t just say no after he watched my kid for the whole day. You’re coming over though, on whichever day this will be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity laughed. “Sure. I’m over almost everyday anyway, aren’t I?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, whatever. That kid just better not thrash the house.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy and Tubbo started their planning by watching a few of their favorite movies, which included some sort of forced date in the plot. They never picked up on how embarrassingly awkward all of these encounters were, let alone did they understand that maybe Schlatt and Quackity didn’t want to be married. That maybe they were just really close friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then again, most six year olds couldn’t differentiate that stuff. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have a table like that at home?” Tommy asked, pointing to the TV.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, I do have a table… maybe not as fancy as that, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmmm…” Tommy thought. Then he ran to his closet to retrieve something. A moment later, he returned with a big, white blanket. “I think this will work!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The boys didn’t know what the hell an actual tablecloth was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s perfect! It’s thicker, so when they hold hands over the table like Sharon and Blake and knock the drinks over, it’ll catch the spills better!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The friends high-fived and continued to watch their movies, observing every instance they could. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tubbo! Tommy’s here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Schlatt was absolutely oblivious to what the boys had in mind. He and Quackity had just been signing documents and getting everything together, not really paying any mind to all the shit that Tubbo had been “secretly” dragging into the kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coming!” Tubbo called as he ran down the short hall of his house on his way to the front door. He opened it and let Tommy in; they giggled and ran back to the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounded a bit maniacal.” Schlatt turned to Quackity. “Do you think they’ll set my fucking house on fire?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity laughed and shook his head. “No, I doubt it. Unless you have a flamethrower back there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Schlatt scoffed. “These days we would never know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An hour or so passed, and the men hadn’t seen the boys once since Tubbo retrieved Tommy from the front door. It was a bit too… quiet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just as Schlatt was about to stand up and check on the kids, the door of Tubbo’s room slammed open and out they came. A heavy blanket was dragging behind them, and they were breathing heavily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you kids building a blanket fort?” Quackity asked, giving a tired smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you’ll see! Sit at the table!” Tubbo giggled. “Uhm, please!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Schlatt narrowed his eyes and turned to Quackity, who was just as confused as he was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The men made their way to the table and took a seat next to each other, but Tommy tapped on Quackity’s leg.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have to sit there, or it doesn’t work!” Tommy pointed to the seat across from Schlatt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, okay?” Quackity raised a brow and followed the direction of the boy’s pointed finger. He took the seat, and Tommy and Tubbo looked pleased. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two friends struggled to raise the blanket onto the table- the blanket looked like it had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved </span>
  </em>
  <span>for several years. Hell, Schlatt was sure that he saw Wilbur take that musty thing over to Quackity’s house when the three of them hung out for the night, and that happened </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, stay right there!” Tubbo and Tommy ran back to the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is scary. If they come back out with rope I’m calling the cops.” Schlatt sighed. Quackity laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe they’re playing, uh, restaurant or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Or cops and robbers.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity looked over the blanket. It was… hm. Not what he would normally eat on, that’s for sure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay!” They heard pitter-patters of eager feet running down the hall before the boys were back next to the table. They were rather short, and failed to reach the top of it, but they were standing on their tip-tioes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here are your menus.” Tommy said as eloquently as possible. “Take a look at what we can provide.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Schlatt and Quackity furrowed their brows and took the “menus”, which were just pieces of paper folded up and drawn on. Inside of the fold was a list of food items that don't require cooking. If the kids didn’t look so damn serious about it, the men would’ve burst out into laughter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll be right back to take your order.” Tubbo nodded and grabbed Tommy’s hand to pull him back to the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity hummed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Schlatt turned to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I know what’s happening here.” He smiled, nodding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? What do you know, smart-ass?” Schlatt asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay! We’re back to take your orders!” Tubbo called. It hadn’t even been a minute, but Schlatt was sure that the kids were unaware of that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What would you like, dear sir?” Tommy asked, turning to Quackity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure… uh, maybe a…” Quackity looked down at the menu again. There wasn’t much to choose from, considering it wasn’t actual meal options and everything on the list was probably on the bottom shelf of the fridge and pantry. “Maybe a yogurt?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you?” Tommy turned to Schlatt, who was still skeptical. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I dunno, goldfish?” Schlatt handed the “menu” back to the boys, and Tubbo collected Quackity’s as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, one moment please.” And then they ran back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity let out a laugh as soon as they were out of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? What?” Schlatt kept asking. “Do I look funny or something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You seriously can’t piece this together?” Quackity chuckled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The boys came back in with the small tea-light candles that were battery operated, and stood on their toes to place them as centered on the table as possible. When Tubbo went to turn off the kitchen lights, Schlatt finally got the gist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were being set up on a date right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, wait-” Schlatt stood up, trying to conceal his laughter. “Hold on. Kids, be honest with me here. What the hell is going on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um.” Tubbo stood still. “We’re getting you and Quackity married!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Playing matchmaker!” Tommy chimed in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Boys,” Schlatt spoke, crouching down to their level. “Quackity and I don’t need to be married in order to raise Tubbo. We’re just fine without being romantic partners.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo and Tommy stared at Schlatt in confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We think it’s better like this.” No, Schlatt wasn’t going to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>they felt that way… sure they talked about maybe going on dates but it always felt forced, unlike when they would just go out without expectations of being a </span>
  <em>
    <span>couple. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They concluded that being deemed as friends was just fine. Quackity always joked about it being “friends with benefits.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When all Tommy and Tubbo did was blink, Quackity stepped in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We appreciate it, but we don’t think marriage here matters. We support each other, we care for each other, and that’s all that matters.” The younger man smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo’s eyes brimmed with tears, and the men were convinced they said something wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tubbo?” Schlatt spoke. Tommy turned to his friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“B-But I wanted a mummy… Tommy has a mummy,” he spoke quietly, holding the end of his sweater sleeves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity didn’t miss the slight pained look that Schlatt eluded; it was only for a second but he looked like he felt terrible about the predicament. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, well, who’s to say I’m… not?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Schlatt looked up from the ground to Quackity with furrowed brows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah… yeah I mean, I’m close enough, right? We don’t need to be… married… for me to be your ‘mummy,’ Tubbo.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo and Tommy’s eyes lit up while Schlatt was still in his state of stupor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So our date worked?” Tommy exclaimed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I mean-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Awesome! Now we can go make mud cakes!” Tubbo squealed and the boys took off to the front yard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Schlatt sighed, shaking his head. “What the fuck just happened? I need a drink.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quackity laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know if he calls you ‘mummy’ in public, we’re gonna get some questionable looks.” Schlatt said as he opened his alcohol cabinet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, but he’ll forget about all this in a matter of days. You know how kids are.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I don’t. That’s why you’re here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, does poppy need help from mummy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Never fucking say that shit again.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading!! i hope the ending wasn't too rushed, but I had to throw that one-liner in there. Tubbo just wants a mom :') it was a bit of a shorter chapter, I just hope it was enjoyable!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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